I've come to earth through the fax machine... for BASEBALL!!!
Hello, this is your dictator, the BLACK ELVIS. I have decided that there will be no baseball tomorrow. Instead, there will be baseball today. 5 o'clock, weather permitting. What the fuck am I saying? I'm the black elvis. I control the weather.
Seven mile. Be there, or I'll hit you with 7 rounds of space doo-doo pistols.
UPDATE: THE BLACK ELVIS has changed his mind. Next week, however, there will be baseball galore.